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salt range photo
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Vegan

Salt Made from Tears of Boredom

This rare salt is made from tears of utter boredom, shed just at the point of outright hopelessness. These are collected only on wet Tuesday afternoons in February. Oddly the salt renders any dish instantly fascinating.

Combines centuries-old craft with the freshest human tears which are gently boiled, released into shallow crystallisation tanks, then harvested by hand and finally rinsed in brine.

Developed in collaboration with expert tear harvesters Halen M̫on.

£10

Free UK delivery on orders over £50 - Delivery and returns information

All profits go to the Ministry of Stories, a creative writing charity for humans

Notes for Humans:

Superior coarse sea salt with Welsh charcoal, from expert salt harvesters Halen Mon.

Ingredients

Sea salt and charcoal (Contains charcoal 5%)

Weight

80g

‘If ever there was a ho-hum condiment, THIS is it. A faultless C+. At the same time looks absolutely striking on flesh. Will definitely recommend. If I can be bothered.’

-Adrienne, an American Werewolf in London

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Range of Human Preserves
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Human Preserves Combination Pack
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Free UK delivery on all orders over £50
 
 

Delivery information

We currently deliver to UK destinations only, via 2nd class Royal Mail or Parcel Force 48 Hours service.

Postage and packing costs:

  • - £3.50 for orders of up to £25,
  • - £7 for orders £25 - £50
  • - Free for any order over £50

This charge helps cover our costs and ensures your purchases support writing workshops for young people at the Ministry of Stories.

Our team of zombie volunteers aims to fulfil orders twice a week and on the outside you can expect delivery within 12 working days of order confirmation, but usually sooner. Unless something truly hideous happens, in which case delays of several centuries are not unlikely.

Returns information

You can return products if:

- You decide within seven days the product isn’t for you. You’ll receive a full refund, including delivery charge, processed within 30 days of return of the unwanted goods. Please send this with the original returns form supplied with your order, emailing us at shop@ministryofstories.org to let us know it is on the way. Please look after the product when you have it! Do not burn it, eat it, sit on it, drown it, or in any way cause it harm. We might need to ask for compensation otherwise.

- You don’t agree to a change in our terms and conditions or other policies, or you think the product is faulty. You will need to return the product with its original returns form. We’ll check the product upon receipt and email you regarding your refund. We’ll process it as soon as monstrously possible – definitely within 30 days of us emailing to confirm a refund. You’ll receive the full price of the product and delivery, plus any costs for sending it to us.

Please check the dispatch confirmation to find out more about your statutory right of cancellation. Returning a product doesn’t affect your other statutory rights as a consumer. Nor as a monster.

We try to use the same method to pay you as you used to pay us.

 
ministry of stories

Hoxton Street Monster Supplies is run under license from the Ministry of Stories, a volunteering organisation which helps young people with all manner of writing, through free one-to-one mentoring and writing workshops.

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